Wednesday, April 13, 2011

I've said it before, and I'll say it again

...but I really need to start writing in a blog. Preferably this blog.

The more I work, the more I come to the realization of how to work, what this all means to me and my "life plan," and where I want to go with my career. Nothing's concrete, but I just know I should really be forming my own ideas about the things I do... if I ever figure out what I do, per se.

Currently I am a designer/developer for a university. I make mockups, create graphic designs and artwork, write code, and put out fires. I am the 5'4" human version of the Adobe Creative Suite, plus Google and a bucket of water.

I'm in the quarter life crisis of "this is not moving fast enough," paradoxically in conjunction with "where am I," "how did I get here" and "where am I going." I don't have a life plan because, really, what the heck does that mean? Is it a bucket list? Is it some sort of almanac of what I'm supposed to fulfill (i.e. marry at age 25.5, birth 1.5 children and bring it/them to our home with 3 bedrooms, 2.5 baths and a 2 car garage)? In some cases, I'm a planner, but as I go through life and relationships with friends, I see from all our experiences that the things we don't plan for impact us just as much as, if not greater than, the ones we expect or plan for.

I think around this age, or maybe not, I haven't asked anyone, but we start realizing life is precious (I made it bold to give the word some cojones, because I don't mean precious in the sense that a teacup poodle sitting inside of an actual teacup is precious), and as much as I feel the need to be in it, live, and do, I feel an equal and almost opposite need to reflect on it, take stake, and count my blessings. Perhaps this will help me lead a better life, and perhaps actually be my best self when that whole life plan starts falling into place.

All I know, and these are the only things I'm sure of for my future, is I want to look back at my life and know that I gave due consideration to my actions, but didn't hesitate to take any out of fear or a lack of confidence. I think those things come with experience and time. But I guess I'll know when I'm old.

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